Closely connected to avoidance was procrastination. Even when I had time to work on my thesis, I often found it difficult to begin. The act of starting felt much harder than the work itself. I would sit down with the intention to work on it, but quickly find myself distracted by smaller tasks or well… MY PHONE.
What I noticed was that the anticipation of working on the thesis created more stress than the actual process of doing it. Once I started reading, collecting references, or writing down thoughts, it didn’t feel as overwhelming as I had imagined. But reaching that point required overcoming a mental barrier.
I think part of this came from the expectations I associated with the thesis. It felt like something that needed to be meaningful and well-developed from the beginning. This created pressure to make the “right” decisions early on. As a result, I hesitated to make any decisions at all.
This made me realise how much procrastination is connected to uncertainty. It is easier to delay something than to confront the possibility of making mistakes or choosing the wrong direction.
What helped me move forward was shifting my perspective. Instead of seeing the thesis as a single large task, I began breaking it down into smaller actions. Taking photos of books, writing short reflections, or organising references became manageable entry points. These actions did not require immediate clarity, but they allowed the process to begin. Clarity does not appear before the process begins, but emerges through the process itself. Understanding this helped me approach my research more realistically. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, I learned to value small, consistent steps.
