Having explored loneliness in depth – what it is, how it’s defined, and how it manifests – I now want to approach the topic from a different angle. Rather than solely asking how we might design loneliness away, we should also consider its opposite: connection. I want to take a closer look at how we can foster connection and community. This perspective could serve as a powerful starting point for design. After all, connection is a basic human need. In one of the best known models of human needs (Maslow’s Pyramid) it is located on the second and third level: social security, love and belonging and sense of connection [1]. This is also backed by the self-determination theory of Deci and Ryan, who propose three basic human needs, one of them being relatedness (feeling socially connected to others) [6]. Just as loneliness can isolate and harm our well-being, connection has the potential to uplift and create belonging.
But what is connection? And what makes it meaningful instead of superficial? Many people nowadays consider themselves well connected. They largely attribute this to connections via technology based mediums like social media. But while this bridges distances, it undermines deep human connections due to digital distractions and overload and lack of crucial elements for meaningful and deep connection.
In a world dominated by digital distractions, fostering meaningful connections requires intentional effort. The ease of digital interaction often leads to diminished presence – multitasking during family time, taking calls on dates, or scrolling through social media instead of engaging with friends. These habits dilute the depth of our relationships. To counter this, we can focus on strategies like prioritizing thoughtful communication, using technology to enhance rather than replace connections, building emotional literacy, practicing presence, and stepping away from devices. By doing so, we can recenter on genuine human connections and enrich our relationships, seeking out quality interactions over digital convenience [3]. This can even mean just short exchanges with people we love to increase wellbeing and make us feel better [2].
„our relationships have broadened in scope yet diminished in depth. In our pursuit of speed and convenience, we’ve inadvertently sacrificed the intentionality and deliberate slowness that enrich connections.“ [3]
There are of course several definitions of connection, each with different focus and intention. I have chosen this one as it considers interaction and fits into the research conducted thus far:
„connection is the dynamic, living tissue that exists between two people when there is some contact between them involving mutual awareness and social interaction. The existence of some interaction means that individuals have affected one another in some way, giving connections a temporal as well as an emotional dimension.“ [7]
In reference to non-places I would like to add this quote:
„Technology makes it easier to connect but often replaces in-person contact with less meaningful interactions. Even the increase in self-service kiosks and checkouts at stores cuts down on small talk with strangers, which can help with feeling connected. The shift to remote work and Zoom calls means we might be seeing our colleagues less, leading to fewer opportunities for socializing.“ [2]
It is however worth mentioning that even small talk can enhance well-being, build relational diversity, and foster belonging. Research shows casual interactions improve mood, energy, and confidence, even for introverts. Overcoming the “liking gap” (underestimating others’ enjoyment of conversations) helps people feel more connected. Techniques include viewing small talk as a “treasure hunt,” using shared surroundings as conversation starters, and moving from surface topics to personal ones. Compliments on unique self-expression or avoiding sensitive topics can deepen interactions. Practicing small talk strengthens social confidence and thereby the feeling of belonging and capability of creating connection [4].
Based on general research and theories on connection, the following summarizes the key elements of genuine human connection:
Emotional Presence – Feeling seen, heard, and understood is critical for connection (active listening and empathy)
Shared Experiences – Shared activities and experiences foster a sense of belonging and mutual understanding
Trust and Vulnerability – Trust allows people to share their true selves, and vulnerability strengthens emotional bonds
Physical Proximity and Touch – Nonverbal communication, such as eye contact, hugs or other forms of physical contact create a sense of closeness (connection is a neuro-biological phenomenon)
Shared Values and Goals – Having common beliefs or working toward shared objectives builds connection
Reciprocity – Giving and receiving support and care create mutual feelings of appreciation and connection
Relevant paper and an extensive look at connection: “The connection prescription: Using the power of social interactions and the deep desire for connectedness to empower health and wellness”
Sources
- Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396.
https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346 - D. Henley, “The secret to feeling less lonely in only 8 minutes,” Thrive Global, Apr. 05, 2024. https://community.thriveglobal.com/the-secret-to-feeling-less-lonely-in-only-8-minutes/
- C. Steinhorst, “The way people people has forever changed — focuswise,” Focuswise, Mar. 18, 2024. https://www.focuswise.com/blog/from-superficial-to-significant-transforming-how-people-connect-in-the-digital-age
- A. Haupt, “7 Ways to Get Better at Small Talk—And Why You Should,” TIME, Jun. 01, 2023. [Online]. Available: https://time.com/6280607/small-talk-tips-benefits/
- J. Martino, J. Pegg, and E. P. Frates, “The connection prescription: Using the power of social interactions and the deep desire for connectedness to empower health and wellness,” American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, vol. 11, no. 6, pp. 466–475, Oct. 2015, doi: 10.1177/1559827615608788.
- Deci E L, Ryan RM. Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. New York, NY: Plenum; 1985
- Dutton JE, Heaphy E. The power of high quality connections. In Cameron KS, Dutton JE, Quinn RE, eds. Positive Organizational Scholarship: Foundations of a New Discipline. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler; 2003:263-278 https://www.researchgate.net/publication/262725459_The_Power_of_High_Quality_Connections
